Ask
Anne Bogel
Posted on January 9, 2013
“Connection is why we’re here. We are hardwired to connect with others, it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it there is suffering.” – Brene Brown, Daring Greatly
In 2012, I finally got comfortable with asking for help.
Ladies, we don’t do this enough. We all need help–in numerous areas of our lives. We know people who want to help us. And yet so many of us continue to struggle–needlessly–on our own, simply because we do not ask.
Help comes in many forms: sometimes we just need a little information, a tip or trick or shortcut. Sometimes we need encouragement, or understanding. Sometimes what we really need is a good kick in the pants.
You need help from your peers: Ask for it. We need the knowledge and encouragement that women walking our same road can offer. Call upon your friends in your neighborhood; call upon your blog friends. (Don’t have friends to call upon? You’ve landed at a good place to make some.)
The forums are a great place to find help–especially because an online ask is easier than a face-to-face ask! Have you spent some time over there yet? Ladies are already asking each other for all sorts of things–for prayer and for budgeting advice, for blog critiques and button swaps, for promotional help and scheduling tips. So much help is available.
What do you need us to help you with? Ask us.
You need help from people who’ve been there, too. You need a mentor–or better yet, several of them. If you have a mentoring relationship in place, awesome. (Remember to utilize it: your mentor wants to help you.) If you don’t have a mentor yet (and you’re not alone–most of you don’t), think about who you’d like to mentor you.
Then, you’ll need to ask. Yes, asking is awkward but it’s so very worth it in the long run. Getting a mentor in your life is well worth one uncomfortable conversation.
Maybe you’re not even sure what kind of help you need, or from whom–maybe you know so little you don’t even know what you don’t know! Sister, we’ve all been there. This is a safe place to learn, to grow, to interact, and to figure all this stuff out.
And when you figure out what it is you need, ask us.
We’re here to help.
Anne, thanks for this reminder. The asking can be very hard. I find myself paralyzed by insecurity at times and let it hinder me from reaching out. Then I’m all like, “For crying out loud, we’re women! What one of us ISN’T?!”
And I’m like, “Tammy! You’re so right!!” (For crying out loud!)
I finally learned to ask for help after having my twins. I suddenly found it impossible to do everything on my own at that point – and I discovered that most people truly want to help, so I could lay my guilt aside and learn to lean on others. It’s still not my instinct to do so, but I’m getting better at it all the time.
Cate, I’ve found that it’s not all bad to come to the end of my own rope for this very reason. (Congrats on the twins!)
Yes! Two ARE better than one…not to mention there’s such a gift that comes from giving, and when we don’t ask for help, no one gets the blessing of getting to give. I love it Anne
Jacque, you’re so right. It can be such a blessing to give–so let’s give someone the opportunity to be a blessing!
Thanks so much, Anne. What a great reminder. So good to remember that we have both something to offer and places where we need to make the ask. Your piece brought a few to mind for me in the blogging realm. What a great resource this is!
“We have both something to offer and places where we need to make the ask.”
Ashley, that’s perfect. Yes and yes!
I am terrible at asking for help but I’m learning over time that it’s essential. I don’t want to burden anyone and the fear of rejection can be scary at times but I think about the times I’ve been asked for help and how blessed I’ve been that someone would want my help and I realize that really, it’s an honor to be sought out. All of that to say, I’m working on this.
Love this, Anne.
I really relate to what Alia is saying – I worry about being a burden, and the fear of rejection *can* be really scary.
So I guess what I’m saying most of all is that I’m working on it. One ask at a time, and it does get easier fortunately.
“One ask at a time.”
Yes!
Alia, I just love the way you turned that around.
Asking can be hard! Very! Especially because it is my personality not to want to bother someone and then I’m wondering if I do ask and they agree, “Do they really want to?” I wrote a blog post reflecting on the fact that if no one would accept help then no one could do kindnesses for others. Something I definitely have to stop and consider!
So true, Deborah. I don’t know why it’s easy to see the benefit in asking when WE are not the one doing the asking!
Thank you for your words, Anne. I’m in the “I don’t want to bother anyone,” camp, too. And that camp can be pretty lonely. If I never “bother” anyone, I’ll never talk to them. Aren’t we all busy? Relationships are always more important.
You’re so right, Kelly. Life is about relationships.
It is SO much nicer to ask a friend for help, than to search Google. This current generation may have lost out on that aspect of relationships, because we have so much technology at our fingertips. But technology can never replace time spent together learning a new skill. Anyone want to come over and teach me how to garden? lol
I love this, Anne. Also, I’ve begun doing this. Admittedly, I am hesitant to ask many/most people, but there are a few (that I’ve met online, no less!), that have become such sweet friends to talk to & pray with.
(like you)
I like it
I absolutely agree. I have a hard time asking for help. I’m getting married soon and I’ve been having to go out of my comfort zone and ask people for help with that. I know in the long wrong this will help me with all my relationships. But sometimes it’s just easier to do it yourself the way you want it.